It still comes back, its all still here
A flashing attack and then youre near
It stops my heart, it slows my mind
So quick and strong it halts all time
Its sharp and hurts as it screams that its there
To pierce my nerves and rip and tear
Focused and precise it draws all my thought
To re-learn the lesson that it taught
I crumple and fall with its kick to the gut
Back into my soul where it loves to cut
It poisons my veins and sucks out my strength
Its drawn-out control increases in length
I choke on its pain and gasp for my breath
But it steals it again to feel like death
Its you back again, I feel it
Let me die,
Leave me to cry
Finally let go and say goodbye
Let me fade
A falling cascade
My failing existence shouldve never been made
Leave me blank
A past pool of mistake
My empty core now seen through the fake
Melting away
My fate to betray
My end of it all now material this day
Let me stop
The cycle went pop
No more to hold me from the impending drop
Look within
Theres no more pretend
Fuck it, its over, Im done, the end.
Blast my ears until they bleed
The music's the way my soul can feed
All that is and all that was
Drowned out by the sound and beat down to a buzz
Filling my body and blurring my mind
I close my eyes and leave all behind
Giving me passion and making me real
I'm just glad I can finally feel
Everything feels meaningless, everything feels bland
I feel the sudden urge to slice open my hand
When all of me feels empty, I want to know for sure
I want to see something flow out and give a mental cure
I want to feel back in control of something that I do
I wish that letting this blood out would rid my thoughts of you
Cause now I am so lonely and Im so goddamn sore
For so long all these feelings, Ive tried to just ignore
I push them down so deep where they seem like theyre finally gone
But they dont stay down no matter how hard I pound and are eventually re-drawn
/
For so long Ive missed her and so
Do not pity me,
rather push me aside as a fading memory...
/I am not stuck, but going slowly.
I am confused
- yet I am not completely lost,
but the deep fog has not yet lifted and I am left here to ponder,
to wait,
to question...
I don't know the answers,
I have not found the path.
But I am trying;
sadly fumbling,
I drop but do not hit the ground
- for I am not yet there or at that point.
Can you find me?
Is there still hope?
or will I fall foever into the lonely pit,
and be covered over;
finally lost....
If you see in my eyes can you find my thoughts?
Can you tell what I am?
Or do you, too,
become lost
Loved by all, but by no one loved
Never a kiss, always a hug
Happy on the outside, lonely within
Only loved, by blood and kin
Good to be around, not to be with
A happy story, only a myth
Successful at everything?
No, failure at life
Keeping ahead in lifes game,
Running from the knife
Tear my cold heart out, store it away
Experience lifes meaning, some prospective day
Normal normal, always the same
Continuing on in lifes long game
Continual work, continual pain
Continual joys, but always the same
Here for a moment, there for another
Strayed by lifes forces, while clenching the rudder
Waking up staying up, never full sleep
Holding your breath till the end of the week
Focus on work and not whats inside
Know all lifes rules and always abide
Consequences of freedom, and living the moment
Scare of dark future, and unfavorable omen
Feelings of nothing, not joy but not pain
Like sitting in comfort, while out in the rain
Weight on the shoulders, but never too much
Lifes
I don't know how I feel
I don't know how I am
I don't feel like a kid
but I know Im not a man
she's just a girl
and I'm just a guy
but when I think of her
I can fly throughout the sky
I watch her and wonder
I don't know how she feels
am I out of my head?
or could the future be real
she's an angel I swear
sent from above
so gentle and serene
a goddess of love
she radiates beauty
it touches my soul
and it warms my cold heart
to think of her in my arms to hold
but I watch in the distance
petrified with awe
she's the origin of loveliness
still untouched and still raw
I dare not approach her
she's way out of my leag
Get out of my head
Oh please oh please
I dont even know you
And still you I see
Ive seen you before
Ive talked to you once
But youre engraved in my head
Like youve been there for months
Im in my class now
Trying to concentrate
But I can only think of you
As if it were fate
I see your face in my head
And I hear music too
I dont even know why
Im enthralled by you
Your smile, my God
Like beauty Ive never known
I can see it and I sigh
Cause I want you for my own
I cant pay attention
And I laugh at myself
Because thinking of you
Puts me outside myself
The bell is r
Hey its me.. Im back, Im low
Dont know if you remember me though
Im that kid whod mope and complain
Id point out my failures with nothing to gain
But for a while I, was feeling high
Now Ive waved that feeling goodbye
Im back to sorrow, Im back to sad
Only hopping that tomorrow, I might be glad
But I like the pain, I like the feel
When my life feels bad, I feel so real
I fall but dont get up, I like it on the ground
I lay and I watch, wondering if Ill be found
The world goes by, Ill let it go
Id rather sit here, all alone
Some call it emo, but I don
What is the point
What is the deal
The walls of life
Are platted in steel
Metallic and hard
Cold to the touch
Advice to break through it
Is only a crutch
Though you might try
It will keep pushing you down
Push you till you die
And youre under the ground
So give up, surrender
Youre attempting in vain
You will never conquer
Just accept the pain
Go back to yourself
Go back on your own
You will never be happy
Get used to alone
Dont let them encourage you
Its human nature, thats all
Block out the hope
Build up a wall
Suffer and like it
Its all that youve got
Find a dark corner
T
It's anger, it's hatred, it's wanting to fight
I'm trying to conquer with all of my might
I want to face it and once and for all
Fight it in person, life versus Paul
It takes cheap shots and hides,
Never standing out clear
It retreats and confides,
Like a fleeting deer
It hits me when I'm down
And yells just give up
Keeps pushing me to the ground
And won't let me get up
I want it to die
And it wants the same for me
I won't give up and cry
No matter how much I bleed
So screw you life
No matter how hard you try
You won't phase my might
And I'll never just comply
The sweet nectar drips down
It can be quite a treat
When the right flavor is found
'Tis so pleasingly sweet
To feast on for hours
Its blind bliss do embrace
But sometimes it sours
Causing feelings of disgrace
The stomach ache of pain
Formèd feelings so putrid
T'will drive thee insane
To rash deaths as those two did
And though it may so please the brain
It will tear up thine heart
So to avoid this sure pain
Just don't ever start
When it's all said and done
Was it really that fun?
Is it better than the gun?
Would you stay if you could run?
I don't find that it is
And now I've realized this
It's not love it's not bliss
It's an existence I remiss
Good to some not to all
Holds you in its solid walls
Cutting your life like a saw
Continuous tries to make you fall
It had its moments of fun and joy
Like the receiveal of a new toy
But that was ago when I was a boy
Now those feelings just annoy
And now I really want to leave
Death's the best gift you can receive
It becomes a want and then a need
To get rid of yourself and bleed
In the future it'll only get
I'm ready for the school year to be over... I'm pretty apathetic about everything right now, just sort of drifting along. maybe I'll find something somewhere to make me care again, but until then, here I remain..
School's back and with it came my mood. Just as I predicted. They gave me drugs to cover it up, and it did. But I'd rather feel bad than feel nothing at all, you know? I can't live without feelings anymore; something I've recently been discovering; the actual importance of them. I can't just push them aside like I've done for so long. mainly because I don't have anything to cover them up with anymore. so I think I'll go back to "all natural" (you know how they pronounce it)
thank you! it's nice to find others that are keeping old-school photo alive. come to think of it though, i'm really not all that inspired either right now...